Sometimes you come across a story that stays with you longer than you expected. Psychedelic Warriors is one such story. A documentary in which nine Dutch veterans, accompanied by Psychedelic Insights, undergo a retreat together in the forest. Men and a woman who have lived for years in circumstances for which there are few words to describe. Luc van Poelje, whom I have known for a long time, guided this process with his team. The truffles used in the ceremonies came from Fresh Mushrooms Ltd, but this is not a story about truffles. It is a story about people who finally found a place where they did not have to harden themselves in order to survive.
I wasn't present at the retreat, but when I saw the documentary, I recognised many of the conversations I've had with Luc over the years. About what can happen when someone is given the space to look inside themselves again. About how nature, safety and attention can sometimes open up what has been closed for years.
The rucksack you only feel when you put it down
In the film, a marine recounts that he served with the Marine Corps for twelve years. Iraq. Cambodia. Bosnia. In his words: “We came under fire. There was mortar fire. Everything happened at once.” He says it matter-of-factly, but a moment later something else comes through: “You couldn't be vulnerable. That would mean letting each other down.”
Another says that he had completely identified with his role. “I was the Marine Corps. I didn't know my way back to myself.” It sounds simple, but there is a deep truth in it: if you spend years learning that vulnerability is dangerous, then silence naturally becomes a habit. You only feel the weight you are carrying when someone asks you to put it down.
In the film, one of the men describes what it feels like to walk through hostile territory with a few mates. You move quietly, tense, focused entirely on survival. He describes how the bullets and mortar fire sometimes came so close that you only realise later what has just whizzed past you. For most people, this is almost unimaginable, but for him it was reality.
When ordinary life suddenly no longer feels ordinary
A number of veterans describe how difficult it was to return to civilian life after their service. In the army, you learn to push boundaries. In normal life, you have to set them. That feels strange and sometimes even unsafe.
For some, there was more: divorces, loss of work, loss of contact with children. One of them says: “I'm fifty and I've lost everything. Even my daughter. That affected me more than any mission ever did.”
You can hear the fault lines. Not as a complaint, but as an observation. A life that had always been devoted to discipline and perseverance had never really considered what was happening inside.
A first step that requires honesty
What struck me was how simple the process begins. Quiet moments in which someone is asked to reflect on the question they are bringing to the ceremony. The psychologist in the film shows that the first conversation is primarily intended to hear what someone is carrying with them. A simple beginning that creates space for honesty.
Questions such as:
What do you want to understand?
What have you been carrying around for too long?
What requires attention?
For many veterans, these are questions that have never been asked before. Yet you can see how slowly something is opening up. Not in grand gestures, but in small shifts. Slower breathing. A gaze that lingers for a moment. A sentence that is no longer swallowed.
When truffles open something that has been closed for a long time
The first dose of truffle tea is offered in complete silence. No rush. No pressure. A safe setting with experienced guides, some of whom are veterans themselves. Truffles have their own rhythm. They don't push. They open.
One of the participants recounts how exciting it was to let go of control. As the tea took effect, he thought: bring it on. I finally want to understand why I so often feel fear for things that do not deserve fear.
What happens next varies from person to person. Some are overwhelmed by warmth that takes them back to their childhood. As a child, I was open and sensitive. I had lost that. Another person says: I cried like I had never cried before. Everything came out.
These are not grand statements. They are acknowledgements that you only make when something finally feels safe.
When sorrow becomes direction
The most moving testimony comes from the man who had not seen his daughter for years. He recounts how the grief that had always been trapped inside him finally found release. I saw her before me. Not only my pain, but hers too.
He speaks softly when he says that it didn't solve anything, but it did clarify things. That he now understands what he couldn't see before. And that he feels the courage to have that conversation someday.
That is perhaps the most valuable thing a ceremony can bring. Direction.
What the researcher recognised in the stories
The researcher who supervised the process observed three major recurring trends.
- Greater connection with oneself and with others.
- Greater ability to no longer avoid emotions.
- More space between feeling and reaction. Freedom of choice.
These shifts remained visible even after two months. She emphasised that this was a small study, but that it was remarkable to see that no negative effects were found in such a vulnerable group.
A world under tension once again
As I watched, my thoughts turned to today. To Ukraine. To young men and women who are currently experiencing the same tension as these nine veterans did back then. It is happening just a few hours' flight from the Netherlands.
The question of how we will accommodate them in the future is not a distant debate. It is a question for today.
What the Netherlands could mean
In the Netherlands, we have something special. Truffles are legal. There are organisations such as Psychedelic Insights that know how to create a safe setting. We can train more facilitators who understand what war does to a person.
In such a setting, Fresh Mushrooms truffles have a special effect. They help people to feel layers that would otherwise remain closed, so that the conversation with themselves can finally begin.
I sometimes imagine what it would be like if soldiers, after their mission, first went to a place where they could land. Where tension could subside. Where the rucksack is not ignored, but carefully opened.
Why this story sticks
In cultivation, you learn that nothing grows under pressure. That things mature when the conditions are right. What I saw in this documentary felt similar to that. People who finally got an environment in which their system was allowed to relax.
The fact that our truffles were part of that is something that leaves me speechless.
You can read more about microdosing or our products at Microdosing XP: https://microdosingxp.com/nl/microdosing-xp/
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Watch the full video on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvROHqZ7Cnw
